Within and Without
by Let-Everything-Go
Summary: Without Connie, life, to Steven, would be colorless, horrid, silent. By the winds of fate, at Connie's deathbed, Stevonnie brought them together, saving Connie as well as Steven's sanity. This story journey's through the life of the permanent fusion Stevonnie as they struggle against not only gem monsters, but the demons within themselves.
1. The Beginning

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi! Just so you're aware, since Stevonnie is typically considered agender, I use they/them pronouns when referring to them, which can get grammatically confusing at times (sorry in advance!). Also keep in mind Steven and Connie are in their mid-30s here, though I'm going to assume Stevonnie, being a fusion, doesn't physically change with age. Thanks for reading! Will post more in the future! ^.^**

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 _Even though I'm always with you, I miss being able to see your face_ , Steven murmurs to Connie in the void. Midnight stretches around them with only his analog watch silently ticking on the bedside table. They look up at the ceiling, watching the reflections of the waves dance across the wooden beams.

 _Have you tried looking in a mirror?_ Connie teases, her voice tired as usual. The corner of Stevonnie's mouth twitches into a smirk. They ran their hand through their thick hair, closing their eyes. Through this plain of mentality, they conversed and operated along with the driving voice of Stevonnie, the personality that emerged from the result of their fusion.

Steven halfheartedly chuckles and sighs. _You know what I mean, you nut._ _It's not the same._

The spouse has been fused for two years; a "perma-fusion" as Garnet, another fusion of the Crystal Gems, once put it.

Her grin fades, _I know, I miss your face too._ There's a long pause, the breeze flutters through the open windows, swaying the curtains. _Let's take a walk. Get sand between our toes. It's not like we're falling asleep anytime soon, anyways._

He pretends to mull this over. Truthfully, he was thinking the same thing. _I'll race you there,_ Steven laughs. Ha, fusion jokes.

Stevonnie likes to listen to them talk. The way they communicate is as if they never grew up; they merely grew together. This late at night, Stevonnie lets them converse uninterrupted for hours. Sometimes sharing jokes and flirts, other times just existing in the silence. Either way, it was love in it's purest form.

Stevonnie leaps out of bed and tiptoes out the door, careful not to let the door squeak too loudly. Even though they're technically an adult, made up of two other adults, Pearl still babies them about getting a good night's sleep. She may have a fit knowing they were awake so late, let alone that they were awake this late most nights...

~ Two and a half years ago ~

Connie was always a strong fighter, and a stubborn one at that. Since her training sessions as a teenager with Pearl - an equally as stubborn of a teacher and fencer - Connie had surpassed abilities even Pearl struggled to master. After almost 25 years of swordsman training, Connie and Pearl had grown into great friends, and even greater opponents.

Steven sat off to the side of the Ancient Sky Arena with Amethyst, both passing a box of fry bits back and forth. It was a beautiful August day, barely a cloud in the sky. The team had just come back from a mission the day before and were eager to relax.

This gem arena was described by Pearl to be the first battleground for the rebellion. It stretched as far as a baseball field, or what's left of it did. The edges around it lay crumbled, only a few lone pillars remain untouched. The four diamond emblem, representing each specifically colored ruler of Home World, was branded in the stone wall above the corridor. To this day, Pearl keeps her back to the emblem at almost all times, half-subconsciously defiant and half out of habit due to the physics of the space. The stone slab of a bench Steven and Amethyst rested on baked them under the bright, morning sun. Steven fanned himself weakly with his hand as he watched Pearl and Connie face off in the center.

Connie took her stance with Rose Quartz's, the former leader of the Crystal Gem rebellion as well as Steven's mother, pastel sword, embellished with a faint rose vine on the handle. It blooms into an ever-glowing blade, which no matter the damage it's dealt, has never been in less than the most perfect condition. Connie's curly dark hair was pulled back in a long, bumpy braid that swayed against her back as she walked. It fell off her shoulder as she crouched into her fighting stance.

Pearl wielded her signature spear. It was the length of herself, maybe longer. She neatly pulled it out of her gem, a white pearl on her forehead. The spear was a matching teal with a never-dulling shear point, accompanied by a corkscrew blade around the head. She was dainty but poised and agile, especially with her weapon. She's mastered every maneuver possible with it; it was an extension of her. As she faces the sunlight, her gem sparkles on the floor in front of her feet.

Amethyst leaned over to steal the greasy fry bits out of Steven's hand, then said, "My money's on your wife."

"Ha!" he replied, grinning at the idea of betting on a friendly fencing match, "though she has been perfecting her agility recently," he said matter-of-factly, eyeing his gorgeous bride. He noticed how Pearl's pale blue complexion brings out the beautiful golden tones in Connie's dark, Indian skin. Their eyes met and they traded a wink.

"Yeah I think Pearl's got her there. You can't be more flexible than a string bean." They shared a stifled laugh. The string bean in question glanced over, noticing the squeals from the bleachers, then chalked it up to childlike banter and got in position.

"Prepare to meet your maker, Pearl!" Connie taunted, playfully.

Pearl's pupils dilated. " _My diamond! She's coming!?_ Quick! Steven! Get Garnet!" she yelled, grasping her head, shaking in terror.

"Woah woah _woah!_ Pearl, relax," Connie consoled, reaching her hands out as if to tame an agitated puppy, "No one's coming to Earth. It's just an expression. You're okay."

Pearl stared at her student for a long moment, then lowered her hands to her chest, defensively. "What...righttt, Of course," her voice shook as she straightened herself up. She kept her hands close to her chest, defensively, "A diamond would have no reason to be visiting Earth anyway, hehe." They each took their positions facing each other, only slightly frazzled. Steven leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

Connie broke the silence, "Ready?"

"Oh yes I am ready," Pearl said smugly, "ready to...kick your butt! Ha!" She was overly proud of herself for coming up with that jab. Connie rolled her eyes and smirked.

"Nice comeback, Pearl!" Steven called out, supportively. He gave an apologetic smile to Connie when she shot a spicy look his way. "You've got this, hun!" he winked with a thumbs up. This made his wife blush.

"OK. On your mark," Pearl started. Connie focused back.

"Get set." She tightened her grip.

"Go!"

Connie lunged at her. Pearl evaded swiftly to the left as Connie's sword smacked the ground. Pearl came up behind the young fighter, as Connie collected the weight of her sword, then swung the butt of her spear at her back. Connie gasped and rolled off to the side. They're weapons meet between them, and Connie takes the opportunity to knock Pearl backwards. Unfortunately for her, Pearl steadied herself too quickly for Connie to find an opening.

Clangs and clashes echoed around the arena, as well as the opponents gasps and grunts. Amethyst tucked her feet in under her, crisscrossed. "Knock 'em dead, Pearl!" she shouted, jokingly.

Connie shouted back, blocking another launch, "Hey!"

"What?" she shrugged, "She won't _actually_ knock you dead." She her crumb-covered hand up to her mouth to make sure she was heard, though she was loud enough in general that even her whisper (well, who are we kidding, Amethyst never whispers) would shatter glass. They returned their attention to the combat without any further questioning.

The battle continues between teacher and student. A half hour goes by and neither member takes any fatal blows, though their opponent sure tried to give them. As of now, they faced each other with swords crossed, each pushing with all their strength, but to no avail. They were equally matched.

"Giving up yet, Connie?" Pearl teased, smoothly, as if the pressure in her arm and shoulder had no effect on her.

"Not a chance!" Connie gave back, her voice minutely cracking. She broke out of the hold and backed up, reassessing the area and her target. A bead of sweat trickled down the back of her neck.

"It appears as though you've grown weaker since the beginning of this fight," Pearl observed aloud, "You wanna know how I knew this?" She stuck her weapon on the ground beside her, one hand on her hip and the other twisting the neck of the spear gently.

Connie raised and eyebrow, panting.

"Because you've forgotten rule number 37: Never show the enemy when you're weak."

She smirked, bashfully, a piece of hair falls down into her face. "I never forgot. Perhaps I'm simply misleading you into thinking you can let down your guard."

"Well, well, well. Look at you. You've grown into a clever swordswoman," she replied, in her pearly pristine tone.

"Now if you'll excuse me," Connie said, "I have a fight to win."

"Oooh! So you think! Ha!" They launched at each other again. Connie whipped the sword around and again it was met by Pearl's spear. She kicked the weapon out of the way and held it to the ground with her foot, then pointed the business end of her sword in Pearl's face. For a moment, Pearl stuck her hands up in a surrendering position, but then dropped to the ground, lifted her weapon with her foot and caught it, all before back hand-springing away from Connie.

"You never taught me _that_ move!" Connie called to her, frustrated. She almost had her.

"I can't give away _all_ of my secrets, can I?"

Connie _hmphed._ Pearl allowed her to make the first move this time, so Connie charged in at her after a moment of recollection, searching for a tactic once learned long ago.

 _Pearl once said that the best side to attack is the side they aren't expecting,_ Connie thought to herself. Once she reached her teacher, she picked up her sword and swung it where she knew the spear would be. However in one swift move, she dodged Pearl's weapon and shoved the end of it in her sternum.

She had delivered the first serious blow to Pearl (who secretly usually lets win purposefully for Connie's confidence, however this time she got her without any assistance). The pink butt of the weapon hit Pearl square on, though was defused by Pearl dropping her spear and bringing her hands to her chest. It wasn't enough to pop her light-form, thankfully. She held the bruise in her hand, stumbling backward, but gave Connie a look of respect and pride.

Connie grinned. Each match was over once an opponent was pinned to the ground. She walked forward, sword hanging by her side. Pearl sank dramatically to her knees, knowing the fight was coming to a close, and honestly would be happy losing if it meant they could all spend a quiet time by the beach afterward. "Oh I can't go on!" she cooed, teasingly. "I've been defeated by the Pearl Vanquisher, Connie Maheswaren!"

"Oh come on, Pearl!" she chuckled, embarrassed, watching Pearl throw the back of her hand to her head, spin, and fall to the ground, twitching and thrashing as if she were auditioning her for Hamlet. Steven and Amethyst laughed hysterically at her ridiculous display.

Connie steps up to Pearl's limp body on the ground and puts her foot on her chest. "Challenger defeated!" she boldly exclaims, mocking Pearl's holographic practice double from her training sessions, "Level one complete!"

Pearl got a laugh out of that. There was a serene quiet echoing through the arena. The warmth of the sun, though intensifying the already sweaty heat, felt more like a hug. A breeze drifted the rest of the sound out into the world, where movement kept going, but here, stillness. No one there dared to break it. The world stopped just for them to enjoy each quiet moment that passed.

Quick footsteps brought the motion of the universe rushing back. A _whoosh_ wakes up the nappy bunch, and everyone looks up toward the stairs. Peridot reached the landing at the top from the other side, her short stature barely able to look over the railing. Lapis Lazuli gracefully landed behind her, just as frazzled as her partner. Peridot screeched, "Guys! Come quickly! It's Jasper!"

The name set everyone on guard. Immediately, the group launched into action, following the green and blue gems to the warp pad. _Jasper,_ Steven thought, _What could she_ possibly _want now?_ As the fiery gem she was, she passionately sought out any and all threats to Home World, and especially to her diamond, Yellow Diamond. Deep down, she vowed vengeance on the Crystal Gems, for they are to blame for the shattering of Pink Diamond, her original diamond. Peridot, having formerly worked with her before joining the rebellion, recalled once that Jasper, though loyal as she was, never uttered the name "Yellow Diamond" with as much conviction and care as she did with Pink Diamond. Although they pitied Jasper for her perpetual mourning and loss of her faithful leader, she lacked the grasp on reality and the empathy for life on Earth that the Crystal Gems held.

Back in Beach City, Garnet slid back in the sand, wiping a bead of blood off her cheek, then jumped back into battle. Lapis, being the aqua gem that she is, rushed over to the water and formed it into a ginormous hand. It's massiveness laid waste to the beach as Jasper evaded every hit.

"Leave now!" Pearl projected across the beach. She stood tall, with her spear off her hip, with a look that dared Jasper to try something. "You have no business here!"

Jasper's raspy cackle flooded the sands, "I'm here on a mission, you small-minded weaklings."

"We don't care!" Connie spat, "Either return to your Home World willingly, or I'll have to kick your ass back there myself!" She's all in all a sweet girl, though she had her moments when she was just a downright badass. _This was one of those beautiful times,_ Steven thought to himself, ogling his wife from a distance. He crouched in the sand dunes while he listened to the conversation.

Jasper stepped forward and winked, "Try me, little human!"

They shared a determined nod. Then Connie and Pearl flanked either side of Jasper, and charged at her, both tightly wielding their weapons as if they were afraid to drop them. They swung, she glided back. Garnet threw her fist, Jasper ducked and grabbed her ankles. She pulled the breath out of Garnet as she flung her against the rock wall of the cliff. It was as if Jasper anticipated and rehearsed each deflection in advance. No one could lay a finger on her.

"Garnet! Are you okay?!" Steven exclaimed as Garnet regained her balance.

"I'm fine!" she growled, more frustrated at Jasper's swiftness than at Steven. "I think what we really need right now is Smokey Quartz. We could use the extra power."

"On it!" Steven couldn't say he wasn't excited about this, even under the circumstances. He found the idea of fusion so mystical and effortless, yet powerful; the epitome of teamwork. Smokey Quartz was his fusion with Amethyst, and she made everything humorous. Like Amethyst, Smokey Quartz was easy going and light-hearted. They even joked that Smokey was much more of Amethyst than Steven. The only thing he had in common with her was his shield. No matter, he loved it either way, and Smokey Quartz was the first of the Crystal Gems to defeat Jasper.

He looked over his shoulder, "Ready, Amethyst?"

No one was there.

"Amethyst?" Nothing. This was when everyone on the beach realised, Amethyst was MIA.

Steven turned back and cried, "Garnet! Where's Amethyst?"

She scanned the beach and found nothing. "She must be back at the Arena. Steven! Find her!" Garnet shouted, then turned back to Jasper, "And don't come back until you do!" He imagined a grin in her voice.

Steven checked behind him, seeing the silhouette of Garnet striking her fist against the cliff wall, forming her gauntlets. He climbed the stairs to the beach house and leaped to the warp pad.

In the Sky Temple Arena, it sounded like a hundred Connies and Pearls were dueling it out. Each steel on steel clash echoing through the space was deafening. Steven was on top of the East staircase landing, overlooking the scene. Over a hundred Ruby soldiers were surrounding the lone Amethyst. The red gems were half her size, but outnumbered her. The arena was a sea of red, with a bobbing purple gem struggling to stay afloat. She took them out by twos and threes, but they multiplied. Steven rushed down to her side.

A ruby fusion prepared to launch an attack from behind while Amethyst was distracted. As their fist wound back, Steven jumped in the line of fire and raised his shield, the blow rebounded off it's pink light-form. Like his mother's sword, this shield resembled that of swirled vines and ruffled petals of a rose. Steven could see the outline of each knuckle through its transparency.

The impact sent the ruby falling backwards. She regains her footing and snarls. Steven sneers back, then winks at Amethyst. "We were worried about you!" he yelled over the chaos. He deflects a few more normal-sized rubies from both sides.

"I was right behind you guys but then-" she cut off to crack her whip at a ruby charging at her, "then their ships landed over there and I couldn't get back to the warp pad." While she shouted this over her shoulder, her arm is taken down by a ruby with it's gem where her left eye should be, while another jumps to wrap her arms around Amethyst's neck.

Steven see's this and frisbee's his shield to slice the gems off his friend. "I've never seen this many rubies!"

"Me neither!" Amethyst replied, straining to get another ruby off her legs. Steven kicked the gem in the shoulder repeatedly until it peeled away. The two Crystal Gems stood back to back, both facing off with one short enemy after another.

Forever passes in the blazing heat with little impact on the rubies. It's not so much the strikes against the pair that wore them down, but the sheer number of them. They didn't have any clue why so many of them decided to attack right now. Was it a mission ordered by their diamond? Are they teaming up with Jasper? Or are they just coming on their own, for their own personal reasons? The answers to these questions were relayed in shouts and growls and _hi-ya!'s_ and any other miscellaneous grunts accompanying the rubies' violent assaults - none of which useful. The rubies grew in numbers and the pair dwindled in force. Steven began to notice that they were completely surrounded.

With what little energy he had left, Steven grabbed Amethyst by the arm and pulled her back quickly toward the bleachers, where just two hours ago, they shared pleasant chit-chat and snacks together, enjoying the summer breeze. They trampled through the path of least resistance until they reached the steps. He worried, with the rest of their family, and most importantly his wife, not back yet, that they may be struggling against Jasper's immense skill and strength, or more of his recruitments came and they're outnumbered, or they've been kidnapped! _Steven, calm down,_ he consoled himself, _Whatever reason they have for taking so long, I'm sure everything is still okay. They've got this._ He wondered if Pearl, Connie or Garnet were thinking the same thing about him and Amethyst as well.

Steven and Amethyst began to climb the bleachers backwards, still fighting off the persistent rubies. At least now, they had one free side of them clear. As they neared the top of the stadium, they slowed down. They overlooked the raging red sea, out of options and out of places to run.

Steven looked over to Amethyst and exclaimed, "Get close to me! I have an idea!" She did as she was told, keeping a tight, defensive hand on her jewel-studded whip. Steven paused a moment, faded his shield away, inhaled sharply, then whipped his hands out. A pink, impenetrable, bubble formed around him and his friend. With no time for Amethyst to think, the ball started to roll back down the bleachers. "Push, Amethyst!" Steven yelled a little too loudly, expecting the bubble to be just as noisy as the scene outside it. She went beside him and the pair pushed through the crowd of rubies. All were either knocked out or stumbled down on top of their comrades, creating a domino effect. The bubble wobbled side to side, but never slowed down. The two created a ruby-bricked road, and this was the only time this entire battle that they saw a look of terror on the remaining rubies' faces, none of which were fast enough to avoid getting run over. The two Crystal Gems looked to each other with a marvelous grin spreading on each of their lips, then triumphantly laughed their way through a hundred ruby soldiers.

The arena, now decorated evenly with fallen bright red rubies, soon had little sign of life, aside from a distant butterfly that landed on a far pillar. "That was totally awesome!" Amethyst cheered in the quiet space. "I think we're safe!"

Steven took a deep breath for the first time in hours. "Thanks, Amethyst. Couldn't've done it without you." Steven replied, offering up a high-five, to which she gladly returned. He unbubbled themselves, stopping to look around at the carnage. Self-pride bubbled up at his core, but a question still burdened him, "Why do you think all these rubies came here?"

They began to walk back to the staircase. Amethyst ran her hand through her hair, unsure, "I dunno, man. Maybe they just got bored?"

The tall husky man laughed. Even as an adult, Steven has maintained his enthusiastic childlike laughter. The rest of the gems relished his bright and loving aura. "I'm not sure they'd go through all this trouble just to entertain themselves," he replied, then said, matter-of-factly, "But, a valid guess nonetheless."

Amethyst playfully punched his shoulder. She'd always been more of a sister to him than anything else. "Well then what do you think their deal was, dork?"

"To be honest, it seemed so random, yet... coincidental for them to come right when Jasper was here. They must've been on a mission together, no doubt about it."

"I just hope that the others handled the Jasper side of it well."

"Me too…" Steven began worrying, and subconsciously his pace increased with every thought of the horrendous carnage they may be walking into. Lone - or even shattered - gems scattering the shoreline; blood trailing to the bodies of their friends. Who knows what awaited them.

Amethyst noticed her friend's nervousness, having trailed behind him. She caught up to Steven and put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, dude. I'm sure they've got everything under control and we'll be laughing about it later tonight."

Steven displayed a brave face; he tried to believe her. He hoped it was true. "You're right, I'm sure everything is okay."

"Hey Pearl!" Steven greeted. The house was silent, with the sun sinking into the orange skyline. All of the lights were off except for a lamp in the living room. Bright citrus sunlight warmed the floor from the bay windows.

"Woah the town is a mess! Taught Jasper a lesson, did ya? Nice!" Amethyst congratulated. Neither Pearl nor Garnet said a word, or even glanced their way as they walked into the house. They kept their backs turned, facing the couch. Peridot sat with Lapis on the edge of Steven and Connie's loft, looking over the scene, which was hidden from view. Lapis clutched Peridot's comforting hand.

"Pearl?" Steven asked, concerned. Pearl wrapped her arms around herself and dared not answer. "Garnet?" He looked over to the tall one, who kept a stern face, transfixed on whatever was around the corner of the stairs. Steven cautiously stepped over to them, Amethyst shortly behind.

"Steven," Garnet started, in her calm voice, still not moving. Steven stopped in his tracks, still unable to see what they were looking at. He tried to peer between them but to no avail. The peaks he got were of the edge of the coffee table and a half glass of water.

"Where's Connie?" he asked. The two gems tensed up, Lapis and Peridot looked at him wearily. "What happened?" His voice cracked.

"Steven.." Garnet repeated.

Steven saw the strain in her eyes and knew something was wrong. "Did Jasper take her?!" He began to panic, eyes wide - he had lost his already fragile composure. "Where is she?!" He picked up the habit of nervously running his hands through his hair from Pearl. "We have to find her! Right now!" He ran toward the door.

"Steven!" He froze at this, "Connie isn't with Jasper. Jasper left," Garnet paused, then held her breath, "She's right here."

She was hesitant to move out of the way, but Steven walked through her regardless. Pearl reached out a protective hand which she retracted once it was too late. In front of him was his wife, lying lengthwise on the couch with a throw pillow under her head and the thick blanket from their bed over her. The only visible part of her was her face, glowing in sticky sweat and sea salt. Her hair gathered around her pillow. Her eyelids drooped heavily as she blinked at her husband, who stood awestruck in front of her. Steven sat on the coffee table in front of her, unable to speak. All he thought to do was hold her hand.

Without breaking eye contact with Connie, Steven uttered, "What happened?" He wanted answers, and it didn't matter from who. He wouldn't take his eyes off of her, afraid she'd disappear if he did.

Pearl saw the pain in his face, and stayed frozen,with her hand guarding the entrance to her mouth. She kept her eyes on the floor as she piped up, clearing her throat, "She got too close. And we were too far away. I couldn't stop it." As she spoke, Steven looked over to Connie's blanket, wear a tiny red spot became more present. He rested a hand on top of it a little too quickly, gripping at it, as if to push it back inside her. It kept growing. It slowly claimed the size of his entire left hand. Connie moaned, and her too cold hand landed gently on top of his. It felt as soft as a butterfly. Another hand reached for his cheek and wiped a tear off with her thumb.

Steven tore away and threw the blanket to her feet. A feminine gasp from behind him echoed around the room. Garnet had left the blanket over her for two reasons: 1) to prevent her from losing any more body heat, and 2) to keep her wounds hidden from Steven; obviously the latter wouldn't matter now. The underside of the blanket was drenched in red, Connie's clothes were an even deeper maroon. A clean slice went through her abdomen and grazed an artery connected to her heart.

Unexpectedly, Steven didn't grimace. He said nothing. Instead, he furrowed his brow at the length of the cut. From what he could see, it stretched diagonally from her left breast to the other side of her naval.

Garnet reluctantly stepped forward, "Jasper somehow got a hold of Rose's sword. She was too fast."

The same pink sword Steven watched Connie defeat Pearl with that morning now laid sprawled across the floor by the kitchen. Blood stained the tip and trailed the path it took there. Steven fixed on this out of the corner of his eye, seeing the chaos that occurred when he was away. He got an idea and stood, hovering over her mid-section. His wife saw momentary light come back in his eyes. "My spit should help right?!" He looked back at the other gems, now noticing Amethyst had joined the blue and green pair above him. There was no answer; Pearl exchanged a glance with Garnet. "That'll fix you right up. It'll heal you!" He smiled down at Connie, who attempted and failed to return it sincerely.

"It may be too late," Garnet muttered.

Steven turned to her defiantly, "We have to try!" he spat, cheeks stained with tears. Pearl flinched. Garnet waved off her sunglasses, revealing the pain in her eyes.

Steven leaned over his wife's chest, licked his hand and pushed it in the deep wound. He waited a moment.

Nothing.

He licked his other hand, covering it in his saliva. Then he slapped it down, both hands side-by-side, as if giving chest compressions. Connie's breath hitched under Steven's strength.

Still, nothing.

"Why isn't it _working?!_ " Steven exclaimed. After all those years, Garnet nor Pearl nor Amethyst nor anyone had ever seen Steven this infuriated. On missions, fighting corrupted gems, or up against gems from Home World, not once was he ever overcome with this level of frustration. In this moment, with his dying wife underneath him, he was beyond outraged - he was consumed by fire. He swallowed the air out of the room. With baited breath everyone waited for something - anything - to happen amidst the flowing blood, waited for it to slow down, to reverse on itself, to do something.

But the most painful part was watching it do nothing. And knowing that it would continue to do just that. Nothing.

Garnet came beside him and cautiously laid a warm hand on his arm, which was moist with a cold sweat. Steven pumped his wife a few more desperate times but it was too late. At this point, it was actually hopeless. He turned to Garnet and gave her a look that devastated her; the look of exhaustion, of pure terror and anxiety, a visible ache behind his eyes that no amount of consolation would cure.

Connie once again lifted her hand weakly on top of Steven's blood soaked ones, his eyes wide with tears streaming. He looked at Connie fearfully, as she returned a reassuring smile, as if to say, "It's okay. Everything is okay." He wanted to believe that so badly.

Everyone in the room watched as Connie used the last ounce of her strength to lift up her head, hold Steven's face in her soothing palms, and kiss him. He knelt onto the floor, soaking in every last moment of this embrace. "I love you," Connie uttered, slowly pulling away.

"I love you so much." Steven couldn't breathe. Pearl teared up; Garnet and Amethyst followed. Peridot and Lapis remained unmoving.

They all watched as the light drained from Connie's eyes. The sound of a pin-drop would have resembled that of a volcanic eruption. Her last breath was low, it rumbled around the room. And then, like before, there was nothing. She was gone.

The next sound that followed still shakes the gems to this day. A blood-boiling scream originating from the floor in front of the couch exploded. Everyone flinched, not knowing what to do or how to help. Steven cried and yelled and screamed and panicked, as if he were drowning. A block of cement was tied to his ankles and he was being pulled down to the ocean floor, gasping for air. Gasping for Connie.

 _It's my fault_ , Steven thought, _I should've been here with her. I could've saved her._ _It's over and now she's gone._ He hiccuped. _She's gone._

Steven clutched at her body and held it close. Unbeknownst to him, Garnet had unfused, and Ruby and Sapphire emerged beside him. Sapphire stood behind him and Ruby sat on the low table. They said nothing at first, hoping that their presence was enough to calm him down. It did little to help, but clandestinely Steven appreciated the gesture.

"We loved you, Connie," Sapphire murmured, only truly audible to Steven and her girlfriend. Like Steven, Connie was family - even more than that, she was a daughter to them.

"We've always loved you," Ruby added, leaning closer to Steven, who sat motionless on the rug.

"Thank you for taking care of our Steven," Sapphire continued softly. In all actuality, she hadn't foreseen this happening. In the midst of the intensity of the fighting, she never saw Connie's death, not even an inkling. She thought this odd but decided against bringing it up.

Steven was too wrapped up in himself to hear them. The loss burned him too deeply to express anything back but periodic whimpers. He didn't let Connie's hand go at all - he refused to leave her side.

Minutes passed and all sound was swept out of the room. All Steven could hear was the lack of heartbeat in Connie's once so lively chest. She was always bubbly, loud, perpetual - constant and consistent. Her aura resonated a beautiful hum, a song that followed her everywhere. Steven had heard it since the first day they met. This loneliness brought a whole new meaning to the word 'silence'.

Steven threw himself on her, unable to keep afloat anymore. He was drowning fast and all he wanted was to stay with her. Keep her close. He laid his head on her chest, praying for sound again.

All of a sudden, a vibrant glow grew between the couple, though Steven didn't realize it at first. It rumbled through the beach house, shaking the picture frames almost off their hooks. The others took notice, looking around, unsure. Ruby looked to Sapphire, who in all her years had only ever been ignorant about the course of events once before: the day they met. And right now, this was the only other time Ruby could recall seeing her so concerned, curious, unaware. Ruby slid to the side, not entirely sure what to expect, while Sapphire remained motionless.

"Whoa," Amethyst uttered. The others drew back. Steven glanced down, stunned to see this white orb growing. The light was near blinding. Only a few moments in, it blew across the room with the force of a tidal wave, nearly enough to knock them over. It washed over the gems with a familiar warmth, with Steven and Connie at it's core. They rose away from the couch as a shining apparition that danced above the floor. Before everyone's eyes, they molded together, bending and contorting to the light's will.

The only one who had any idea what this was was Sapphire; and whether this was even possible or not was unsure - to her, to anyone, but most of all to Steven, who hovered aimlessly in mid-air as nothing more than white consciousness. Naturally, he panicked, but kept it internal for he saw no real threat. He only saw his deceased wife moving with him, through him. Soon, they weren't separate beings at all, and as Pearl would describe later, they momentarily weren't beings at all, but a brilliant entity.

This orb within seconds that passed by like centuries began to take on a human-like shape. Long curvy legs sprouted from the bottom and matching arms on top. The silhouette of a strong nose and full lips were paired with cascading hair that fell down their back. As it got more defined, it was clear what the gems were looking at.

There was no question about it - it was Stevonnie.

Once they were planted back on the ground, the light faded back to oblivion. Stevonnie gasped, as if jolting awake after being asleep. They stood in the middle of the room, eyes wide and hands out to catch their balance. "I'm alive?" They spoke to the soundless space. _I'm alive!_ Connie cheered. She awoke in the familiar void where her and Steven's consciousness resided. Her rapture was greeted excitedly with Steven's ecstasy. The love and bliss in his eyes could be seen for miles, even if he couldn't actually be seen.

Stevonnie smiled, brilliantly. All around were shocked faces, all in various forms of curiosity and questioning. But Steven was just happy to be in the presence of Connie's bubbly self again. He was gleeful and confused, but too enveloped in joy to question a thing. Stevonnie laughed consequently from the couple's giddiness.

Their laugh was boisterous, and contagious. It was as if despair itself had retreated back into Pandora's box, never again to return to the human world. Garnet was the first to giggle with them. She hugged them close and soon everybody else approached Stevonnie to extend their own appreciation and love. Silently, they all relished in each part of Stevonnie that was contributed by Connie. The tan skin, the blue crop-top, the long dark hair, the curved but gentle nose: even Stevonnie themself was happy to feel Connie's presence inside them.

Even though Connie was so close to death a moment ago, she had never felt so alive.

~ Present ~

 _The conversation had come up only a handful of times - the question of unfusing. Would they ever unfuse? Was this Steven's way of getting to say good-bye? Was this going to last forever? Would he be able to let her go if it doesn't?_

 _These questions became the elephant in the room after quite some time. Steven was not one to get angry, so instead he would reply to them with nothing, or close to nothing. After feeling the anxiety and heartbreak of not being able to save Connie, not being here for her, watching her die at the hands of someone else and lie barely awake, slowly bleeding to her death in his arms; he simply refused to think of letting her go. Although Connie was still there with him, a piece of him died that fateful day. He couldn't live in this world alone, without her._

 _Garnet was usually the one who would begin this conversation, "I know you feel like you need to be there for her, Steven.," she always knew who she was talking to, "I'm just not sure what effect this will have on the both of you in the future. In all my years, I've never seen anything like this happen."_

" _It doesn't matter," he'd reply as sweetly as possible, his voice almost entirely breaking through the threshold, "What matters is right now, and right now she is here,"_

" _You can't avoid this, Steven."_

" _I'm not!" he defended, pausing to recollect himself. "I promise, this is working and everything is okay." His voice almost begged this of her._

 _It hurt Garnet, as well as Connie, to hear the pain in Steven's voice. "Are you sure?" she asked._

 _They nodded._

" _Okay." Garnet would leave it at that._

 _Stevonnie attempted to smooth over the otherwise dry atmosphere. They became a staple of the household. They wouldn't admit it, but they soon began to feel as though they were nothing more than a vehicle, that their existence was only purposeful for Steven and Connie, for keeping Connie alive. They had as little answers as anyone else did, but Stevonnie was comforted by the fact that they were useful._

 _Garnet, Pearl, and Amethyst got used to having Stevonnie around, and dropped all mention of the word "unfuse". From that point on, Stevonnie was inseparable._

Stevonnie sways in the wind, overlooking the waves that tumble up to shore and kiss their toes. A salty wind flows beneath their hair, and moonlight swims between each wave. They stood, penseful. _You're my best friend, you know that?_ Connie sighs.

 _Who? Me or Steven?_ Stevonnie jokes. All of them chuckle.

 _Well Steven, but you're my best friend too._

 _Thanks._

A peaceful pause, then...

 _You're so important to me, Connie,_ Steven utters, _And you, Stevonnie, you're both really important to me._

Connie and Stevonnie smile, blushing, and simultaneously whisper, _We love you,_ back.

They remain in the sound of a slow breeze and the whir of waves. Connie was reminded of a passage from one of her mother's favorite books - one she had read numerous times. The narrator Nick Carraway in The Great Gatsby remarked where he felt in life, "I am within and without, simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life." She ponders this a moment.

 _I am within and without,_ she thinks aloud.

 _What did you say, hun?_ Steven asks sincerely, having been distracted by relaxation.

 _Oh, nothing._


	2. The Circus

"Heads up, Amethyst!"

" _Nomp!"_

"Nice!" Stevonnie cheers, turning back to the rest of the pancakes on the stove. They flip one over and it lands perfectly in the center of the pan. Amethyst licks the splatter of syrup off her cheeks. Every morning they've indulged in their favorite game of Toss Food Into Amethyst's Mouth, and before the… incident, Connie would join in on the fun with her; though if Amethyst was the champion of anything, it was food.

"Hit me with another one, Stevie!" Amethyst bangs the table, "I'm _ready!"_ She's pumped full of six pancakes worth of sugar and if she weren't so dead set on keeping her food streak, she'd be literally bouncing off the beach house walls.

Stevonnie flips a small pancake on their spatula and steadies their aim. "Over my shoulder, off the counter." They hear hurried shuffles behind them from Amethyst, who shoves the bar stools aside to position her mouth at the edge of the counter. With a quick flick of the wrist, Stevonnie tosses the hot patty passed her shoulder, sending it skidding across the island surface and scoring between the purple gem's plump-lipped goal. She swallows it whole and throws up her arms in triumph, sitting back down to work on the rest of her breakfast (which were, shockingly, more pancakes).

"Must you play with your food, Amethyst?" Pearl hisses beside her. She doesn't at all see the purpose in Gems consuming food, but she can't help being simultaneously distraught and amused with the clever ideas omnivores like Amethyst and Stevonnie come up with while eating.

"Uhh, yeah!" she sasses back, cheeks pudgy with sweet dough and butter, "What else am I supposed to do with it?"

Pearl rolls her eyes, "At least chew it with your mouth closed, for starters." Amethyst mocks Pearl's nagging stature in Stevonnie's line of sight, who chuckles down at the frying pan as they turn it off.

" _You_ don't need to encourage her shenanigans ether!" Pearl snaps at Stevonnie's back. They whirl around with a plate of golden goodness doused in maple syrup. Their knack for cooking stems mostly from Steven, who normally was in charge of breakfast before.

"Oh, Pearl. It's not hurting anyone, we're just having fun," Stevonnie smiles brightly, and Pearl can't help but lighten up. "So, any plans for the day?" They set the platter down and pull off their white apron, now smeared with years of sauce dribbles and caked on batter.

"Well," Pearl starts, putting a finger to her chin as she thinks, "I had some spring cleaning to take care of… but other than that I can't recall anything else on my to-do list."

Amethyst shoves her mouth full of food down quickly and gasps, "I heard the _circus_ was in town!"

"Wow! This early?!" Stevonnie exclaims. They've sat down at the end of the counter with their plate of two pancakes drizzled with maple syrup, whipped cream, and - Connie's personal favorite - banana slices.

"Yeah! Turns out one of the places they were supposed to stop at was entirely infested with rats!" One of the purest things about Amethyst, Steven noted, was that she was always so ecstatic and easy going no matter the situation. It's refreshing. "So they just skipped it and came here!" She shovels the last scoop of mushy pancake in her mouth as if she hasn't eaten in weeks.

"Well I hope they didn't bring any with them," Pearl adds.

"It sounds super fun! Let's do it!" They high five and Stevonnie resumes eating her breakfast.

Stevonnie themself has never actually been to the Circus. Steven and Connie had gone a bunch of times together, but the last couple years it either rained all weekend or they were on a mission. Stevonnie lived vicariously through Steven and Connie's shared memories of the circus, but now, Stevonnie was excited to make memories of their own.

"Oh my gosh!"

"Look at him!"

"How is he doing that?!"

"I'll open my eyes when it's over!"

Crowd members all around them are gawking at the sight of a man in a shiny leotard unicycling across a tightrope at least 20 feet above the ground juggling swords. Stevonnie takes in the aroma of cheap popcorn, freshly cut grass, and the cone of purple cotton candy they held in their hand. The crowd cheers the acrobat to the other end of the rope and go wild when he makes it. It was as busy and thrilling and breathtaking as Stevonnie expected.

Stevonnie glanced over to Garnet to see an excited patron had accidentally dumped their reese's pieces in her hair. The woman apologized to her but Garnet said nothing. She looked at it, then reached up and calmly ate the remaining candy as it was. Amethyst had invited her along since Pearl wasn't too fond of the circus, since the last time they went she got stuck to her soda stained seat and a 4-year old walking by spilled popcorn in her lap. She said she'd prefer the quiet house to herself anyways.

"That's insane! Totally cool, right Stevie?" Amethyst calls to them over the chaos.

"This is amazing!" Stevonnie replies, grinning from ear to ear.

 _We're so glad you're having fun, Stevie,_ Steven tells them.

 _I'm glad I get to share it with you guys,_ they giggle.

More circus freaks, clowns, and contortionists come and go throughout the performance. Stevonnie was in absolute awe. As a fusion, they didn't get out much, so to speak. What the other gems, even Garnet, don't always realize is that this world is still so new to Stevonnie. What they know of life is what they've collected from the things Steven and Connie provide them. Sometimes it's hard to tell who's relaying their excitement outwardly, Stevonnie or Steven and Connie. Amethyst was always exhilarated; she took risks and didn't apologize for them. With that, Stevonnie felt closer to her; similarly, they are thrilled with the world and ready to explore.

Stevonnie leans on the edge of their seat with bated breath as a woman at the center of the ring locks herself in a wooden chest sporting a chained straight-jacket. A timer on the wall ticks down from two minutes before a horde of elephants are to stampede through the arena and crush the box, as well as the woman inside. They dare not blink as to avoid missing a thing.

Eager to know if the performer will make it, Stevonnie leans over to Garnet, who quickly replies, "Don't ask. I'm not spoiling it for you. Just watch." She grins, leaning her head back on her hands.

They pout, but return their attention to the ring.

Garnet's future vision prevents her from total excitement. Part of the thrill for Stevonnie is the unknown, a childlike ignorance and wonder for seeking answers. It's hanging on the edge, it's looking over the side of a cliff, it's living in the present, unaware of the outcomes. Stevonnie thought it sad to think that Garnet was robbed of that because of her ability.

But then again, Garnet is knowledgeable and resourceful because of it. Stevonnie looks up to her, as a friend of gem fusion. She has answers for them, and is one of the only other gems to understand the quandary of fusion existence: to not be your own person, feeling like you're only the shell of a person, not knowing what you're meant to be.

The time tick tocks closer and closer to zero, drawing the box nearer to its demise. Some little shuffles and bumps from the inside, but it won't budge. The shakes and stirs come more frequently, in a panick. Stevonnie grips the armrests of their seat until their knuckles are white. There's 20 seconds left.

 _I mean I wasn't nervous before,_ Connie chimes in, _but now I'm definitely worried she won't make it._

 _Haven't you guys been here before? Don't you know what's gonna happen?_ Stevonnie questions, fixed on the circus ring.

 _Well, yeah,_ she responds, _But the acts change every year!_

 _Right!_ Steven adds, _It's always something new. Even long time circus-goers like us can't guess what's gonna happen. That's the fun part!_

And that's what Stevonnie loved about Earth. It's always changing. Even the smallest things evolve and grow, from year to year, or even moment to moment. It's beautiful and confusing and fantastic in every way. And they relish in it.

 _You remind me of my mom, Stevie,_ Steven says, breaking their train of thought.

 _What do you mean?_ they ask.

 _You're so curious and wondrous. You find everything amazing no matter how small,_ he pauses, a smile growing in his tone, _I never met mom, but from what I've heard, you're a lot like her._

 _Thanks, Steven._

There's now 10 seconds left, and the crowd is aching for the performer, who has still yet to escape her entrapment.

9 seconds. A rumble from behind the curtains, where elephants await.

8 seconds. Connie cries, _Eek! I can't look!_

7 seconds. _I'll tell you when it's over, hun,_ Steven replies.

 _Wait! I have to see this!_ She exclaims.

 _Then keep your eyes open, it's almost time._

6 seconds. The chest lid flicks up for a moment but snaps shut again. It appears the locks on it have been loosened.

5 seconds. "She's not gonna make it!" Amethyst cries, excitedly, then tilts toward Stevonnie, "Do you think it's gonna be a bloody mess down there?!"

4 seconds. "Ew! I hope not!" The stage lights spin around the arena in a rainbow of colors, and the epic music climbs to it's peak.

3 seconds. A strobe light is added. The chest shakes rapidly but to no avail. It's evident now that she won't make it.

2 seconds. To the side of the stage, the tent opens to reveal the 2 ton stampeding elephants, equipped with their glittering saddles and feather fez hats. There's at least six of them.

1 second. The giant animals charge into the ring and the strobe light takes over the scene.

 _Crunch!_ The red and white tent erupts in gasps and screams as the box is reduced to crumbs. The ground rumbles as the thunderous mammals flood the arena. Black and white flashes and consumes the Gems' vision. They witness the hunched backs of the elephants ride across the ring, then nothing at all.

The lights pause, then spin toward the pile of wood. To everyone's surprise, that's all that was there. No human remains or pool of blood. Just wood and a loose pile of white fabric: the straight jacket.

The tent is abuzz with confusion. Then…

"Wait! Come back!" an exclamation from the side of the tent, where the stampede originated. A woman - the performer! - bursts through the curtains and the spotlights follow her. "Ellie! Sugar! Gray Delilah! Stop running! I'm over here!"

Everyone stands and applauds vigorously. Stevonnie and Amethyst practically jump out of their seat and land on the audience members in front of them. The woman stops, basking in the glow of admiration, and bows, letting the light bounce off her shimmering leotard.

Garnet slowly rises beside them, grinning.

"How did she do that!?" Stevonnie cheers, smiling ear to ear.

Garnet smirks, "A magician never reveals their secrets."

"Ugh!"

"But I'm not a magician," she winks.

"You know how she did it!?" they squeal.

"Yeah, I have an idea." Garnet's tone hardly sways, but you can always tell when she's pleased or upset. It reminded Stevonnie of honey.

"TELL ME!" They hold her arm and shake their excitement into her. Even though she barely moves, she laughs.

"I'm not gonna spoil the fun for you!" She hugs Stevonnie around the shoulders, then utters to them, "Besides, ignorance is half the joy."

Stevie glances into Garnet's soft, miscolored eyes through the dark tint of her holographic sunglasses. They reveal a maternally hopeful smile, with a hint of something else. Melancholy, perhaps. A deeper resentment of her future vision. Stevonnie doesn't know this, but some days, Garnet lives vicariously through them, and before them, Steven. She wants to be curious and wondrous, and longs for a day without answers.

The gems take their seats again and resume the rest of the show.

A familiar whir of waves crashing permits the humid summer air. The gems stroll down the boardwalk past the Beach Citywalk fries, which adds a delicious salty tinge to the air that Amethyst can't help but notice. "Hey Stevie, 'you craving what I'm craving?" she grins.

Stevonnie squints at her, then quickly catches on and trades her a mischievous smirk.

"Yeeaahhh!" she explodes, grabbing them by the hand and dashing for the sun-beaten fry stand window. The arrive to a surprised Ronaldo, who had been absorbed by his phone a moment ago.

He smooths over his hair and quickly shoves his phone back into his pocket. "You shouldn't sneak up on people, ya know!" he frowns.

"...the bits. The Bits. The BITS!..." Amethyst and Stevonnie begin to chant as they pound on the counter.

"Alright alright jeez!" He rolls his eyes and saunters to the grill, the pounding stops. "Ya know if we weren't friends," he calls, "that's all I'd think you guys knew how to say!" Stevonnie lets out a giggle while Amethyst keeps her eyes locked on the prize: the glorious bag of fry bits.

Ronaldo hands them the paper bag cautiously, rightly afraid that Amethyst would take his whole arm with her as she yanks it out of his grip. She waddles away while Stevonnie chases after her. "Thank you!" Stevie squeals back to a disgruntled Ronaldo.

The excited pair join Garnet once again, who had been holding up the beachwalk railing, not-so-clandestinely observing their transaction. "Are you kids ready to head home now? The storms coming in soon," she poses, nodding to the dark clouds over the line where the sky meets the sea.

"Definitely, let's hurry." Stevonnie stretches their hand into the grease-covered bag between Amethyst's tight clutches, and pops a few fry bits in their mouth. They trek back home in the loom of grey, silently chomping away at the snack.

At some point, Stevonnie notices a third hand launch into the bag. They and the dopey-eyed amethyst cock a curious eye at Garnet. She keeps her eyes forward as she responds to their astonishment, "After all my years on Earth, I'd never tried these things." Her hand passes seamlessly through the bag again, "I agree, they're good."

The other two grin at this, especially Stevonnie. The realization comes to them that they hadn't ever seen Garnet try something new - never had been shocked, or taken a chance to explore. Their heart filled with pride knowing they were able to witness such an occasion.


	3. The Hike

"How much longer, Pearl?" Stevonnie wheezes, "We've been hiking for _two hours!_ "

"It was _your_ idea, hun," she condescends, hopping from rock to rock with arrogant ease. Stevonnie grabs a hook from a tree branch and pulls themself over the same a plateau with much more difficulty.

"Well _I_ didn't think the warp pad would be down today!" Stevie calls ahead. Their plan was to visit Rose's Garden, a tradition instigated by Connie several years ago for Steven's birthday. The first trip they made him wear a blindfold on the way there. They had spent the day before setting up a picnic with balloons, cake, presents, and at night they made smores by a campfire and set off a firework display, illuminating the night sky with pink and gold sparks against a backdrop of distant stars. Steven had said it was one of the best birthday gifts he had ever received. Years afterwards they decided to skip the blindfold, since he always knew where they were going anyway.

Every year since then, they continue going there, though for some odd reason this time the warp pad wasn't working. That morning, as they took their place on the stand in the living room, Stevonnie waved their hands out, excited for the day ahead, but nothing happened. They tried again, a little faster, frustratedly, and again nothing. Not even a flicker of light. After several more attempts, as well as a few attempts made by Garnet and Pearl, they decided the warp pad wasn't going to their method of transportation today. With Greg's van in the shop - after a minor traffic incident that may or may not have been caused by Amethyst rough housing too close to it - the team was determined to go ahead with the party plans. Stevonnie strapped on their hiking boots and the gems were off.

Pearl bounces with every step, excited to present what they prepared the day before. "To answer your question, Stevie, we're a little more than halfway there."

Connie had given her input on the party, but wasn't allowed to come set it up like she usually did, as not to ruin the surprise for Steven. Pearl and Garnet are the official escorts while Lapis and Peridot await in the garden putting up the finishing touches.

After the first couple years of this tradition, they got more creative, taking inspiration from his favorite things to incorporate into the party theme of choice. This year was dedicated to Steven's favorite movies and video game series, Lonely Blade; a nostalgic throwback to the hours he spent defeating every single boss level, and watching every movie in the series while hugging a pillow close to his chest.

Unbeknownst to Steven, today would be the day Pearl would finally teach him how to perform his favorite Lonely Blade fighting move: Boomerang Blade. She would have attempted to do it sooner had she been able to master it sooner. But flinging the katana away from your body, and angling it just right so it would fly back after hitting the target took more work than she anticipated. However, she persisted, for Steven. She would be his Boomerang Blade Sensei for the day.

Stevonnie and Connie would of course be part of it too, but today was Steven's day, and they promised to hand him the reigns, or at least the best they could. They find what's most difficult about being a fusion is that three separate beings have to coexist in one body, which proves frustrating when the controls are entirely limited and rely on the other two members. Nevertheless, Steven would learn and Stevonnie would guide each move into their body. The system was challenging but it would have to do.

 _I can't wait you guys,_ Steven sings, _You're all amazing._

"Thanks, Steven," Stevie replies.

"What'd you say up there?" Garnet inquires from a few feet behind them.

"Steven says we're all amazing for doing this," they inform, giddy as a bee.

Collectively, the gems cheer a chorus of 'We love you, Steven', 'So are you', and 'You're the sweetest!', including his lovely wife, bouncing internally with both pride and ecstasy.

 _I love you, babe,_ Connie hums.

 _I love you more,_ Steven counters.

 _UGH! Fusion in the room!_ Stevonnie jokes and they all laugh.

Garnet is suddenly beside them. "What are they saying now?"

Stevonnie's cheeks hurt from grinning, but soften as they step over an overgrown shrub. "They love each other," they finally say.

Garnet notices something else. "And what are you thinking?"

They stroll in silence for a moment, as Stevie ponders over their answer. It's an aching thought, pressing against the back of their skull. One that no matter how hard you try to shake, it clings on tight. "I feel like a giant sitting in the front row at a theater," they sigh, "I'm always in the way."

 _We don't feel that way at all, Stevie,_ Connie reassures.

 _Of course we don't! We love you!_ Steven adds.

"Listen to me, Stevonnie." They look up at the tall woman gliding next to them. They secretly enjoy hearing Garnet say their full name, especially in her milky soft voice. "You aren't in the way of their love. You _are_ their love." She rests a warm hand on their shoulder, "You're the manifestation of all of their emotions - their joys and fears and late night conversations and mid-battle furies. And in this case, without you, they wouldn't be. Be proud of that."

Stevie can't hold back the smile that reaches from ear to ear. They aren't sure what to say, nor are they sure it's possible to move their lips far enough to utter a 'thank you'. Instead they choose silence, and hopes that Garnet feels their appreciation. They feel her hand leave their skin and for a moment, Stevie misses it; as if all their composure and concerns were held neatly in her grasp, only to be dropped and dispersed into chaos as she lets go.

 _Garnet's right ya know,_ Connie intrudes upon their quiet thoughts, _tell her I admire her articulacy._

After wiggling their mouth free of the grin, Stevie says, "Connie said she likes how good you are with words."

Every part of Garnet's face smiles, resulting in Stevonnie's face to explode with light, "Thanks Connie."

The fusion can never get over how understanding Garnet is. To them, and especially to Stevie, Garnet is a beacon of hope, a light which guides you away from the storming seas of life. She effortlessly solves problems as if she knew the answer all along and was only waiting for someone to ask the question. Maybe it's her years, maybe it's just who she is. Either way, they couldn't get enough of it.

They march on, backs to the breezes that flow up the cliff face. Stevonnie takes this time to contemplate their conversation.

After some time, Steven bursts in, _I'm so excited for this party,_ then he sighs, _it sucks that the one day we need the warp pad, it's down!_

 _I know, babe,_ Connie replies, _It's strange that it's randomly not working when it seemed just fine yesterday._

 _That's true,_ Stevie agrees, _What would've caused it?_

Steven hums, _No clue. It's only happened once or twice, and that was ages ago._

He pauses a moment. An owl chirps in a tree high above the path. _It's okay though, we get to spend the journey enjoying the great outdoors! Ooh! Look! It's a lil' lizard!_

On the side of the trail stood a rock, and perched on top is a small green gecko, looking up at the crew with it's big beady eyes. Stevonnie stops in their tracks and meets eyes with the creature. Garnet and Pearl eventually slow down when they catch on. They begin to approach the gecko, but stop when it gives them a nervous eye.

"Don't worry, friend!" Stevonnie sings, "We won't hurt you. How's your day going?"

The gecko says nothing. It slithers it's tongue out a moment, then decides to leave it pointed out between it's scaly lips.

 _Awh! He's cute!_ Connie chimes in.

 _He seems friendly,_ Steven adds politely.

The gecko steps forward a few inches. It looks up at Garnet with longing eyes.

"I think it likes you, Garnet," Stevonnie notices.

Pearl nods forward. "Does this little guy-"

"Or girl!" corrects Stevie, matter-of-factly, "or non-conforming gendered creature."

"Yes, Stevie," Pearl says, then turns back to the lizard with a sweeter tone, "Do you want to join us for the party?" As sweet as this sounded, Pearl's intentions are mostly fixed on getting to the Garden in time.

The tiny green lizard blinks, flicks it's tongue up at Garnet one more time and crawls onto her arm. It slithers it's way up her shoulder, and appears on top of her dark, box shaped hair. Garnet stands tall, unphased yet content with her new friend.

Garnet starts up the mountain again and the rest followed. The air spreads thinner and thinner with every step. Occasionally Stevie would turn back to check on Garnet, and would see the gecko was enjoying its ride.

Eventually the summit comes in sight. The path plateaus to a smooth dirt road with some shrubbery on either side. As they peak over the crest, the organic pillars of the Rose Garden come into view. Stevonnie had never been so overjoyed to see a couple of lopsided boulders, they simply beam at a lack for words.

"We're here," Pearl sings.

Garnets low voice tempts them, "Are you ready, Steven?"

Stevonnie graciously hands him the reigns, and Connie internally smiles. " _Yes! I'm ready, freddy!"_ he replies, using Stevie's voice.

The corners of her mouth rise, then drop a moment, "I'm not 'freddy', I'm Garnet."

" _It's just an expression, I know who you are, silly."_ At this, she resigns contently.

The team stroll through the boulders and a beautiful pink landscape opens up in front of them. Bushes upon bushes of wild roses dance in a gentle breeze, some red, but most are a vibrant pink. In the center stands a tall, majestic fountain figurine of Rose Quartz herself. Water cascades from her eyes into a large pool at her feet. Her arms are stretched out, holding a banner written with bold pink letters, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, STEVEN!"


	4. The Party

**Disclaimer: I apologize in advance if this chapter is a little confusing, since Steven and Stevonnie are described interchangeably, but bare with me please! Tip - I used a system where Stevonnie would do the physical actions (walking, lifting, etc) and Steven would be in charge of the speaking. Hope this helps! Enjoy! :)**

* * *

"Happy birthday, Steven!" Everyone cheers as Stevonnie strolls into the Garden. Lapis, Peridot, and Amethyst had stationed themselves, kneeling, at the base of the Rose Quartz fountain - a shimmering monument to Steven's late mother. In the statue's outspread hands was a banner tied on other end, reading 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY!' in bright bold letters.

The trio rushes over and joins in a group hug, with Stevonnie at the center (and Steven at the _very_ center). The group drapes over them like a warm blanket in the winter.

" _This is incredible, you guys! Thank you!_ " Steven responds with glee, his voice worming its way out from Stevie's body.

"It's about time you guys showed up," Peridot whips back up to her feet, her small hands on her hips, "My legs were starting to cramp up!" At this, Lapis moves closer to her and appears to gently massage the small of her girlfriend's back.

Pearl straightens up as well and dusts off her light blue summer dress. "It's not our fault the warp pad wasn't working. And you guys didn't have to squat down until we arrived, you know."

Amethyst turns to Peridot, "Told you!"

"Ha, right…," she resides, blushing.

Garnet chimes in, returning the attention to the wide-eyed gem in front of her, "We love you, Steven." She lays her warm hands on their shoulders as Steven beams up at her, then back around at his friends.

 _We hope you like it, Steven,_ Stevie says.

 _I love you, hun. Happy birthday,_ Connie hums.

" _You guys are the best,"_ he sings.

Pearl takes their hand and leads them through the ever-blooming pink garden. "We looked everywhere for the -" Peridot glares at her, "Okay, fine, yes - Lapis and Peridot looked everywhere for decorations to go with this year's theme!" she says as they approach the gathering area of the garden. Pink, white, and gold streamers lace all of the trees; twinkling lights and lanterns embellish the floral enclosure, but don't draw any attention away from even the faintest of stars against the dusk sky. A cake stand is poised beside a long picnic table, which has appetizers and finger foods, including Steven's very own recipe of snack sushi. "We watched your little cooking with Lion video for those," Garnet adds.

Stevonnie makes their way over to look at the table spread. The napkins and plates, though as childish as it may seem, were covered with Lonely Blade art. Even the cake had some of the show's samurai figurines sinking into it. Stevonnie looked up to see a radio in the corner, which Lapis had tuned to some alternative pop channel Steven has only heard a few times - he likes that most of the songs are upbeat and lend themselves easy to dancing.

Steven/Stevie breaks into a smile. " _I love it, guys! Look, even little Lonely is having a good time in that cake!_ " He laughs, admiring the mischievous grin on the miniature samurai's face.

"And there's a surprise after we eat!" adds Pearl, and throws a cunning smirk at the fusion, though intends it for Connie. It's difficult to keep secrets from your fusion partner, but possible, as Connie's discovered. Pearl and the others have become accustomed to these odd and often confusing fusion endeavors; after so long a time in Stevonnie's company, it's the only natural route one can take.

" _Really?! What is it?!"_ Steven jumps. But Pearl shakes her head.

"I can't tell you, Steven. You'll just have to wait and- _Amethyst!_ "

All of the gems flinch at her outburst, then turn to look at the source. Sure enough, the purple woman Pearl is scolding has dived face-first into the cake. Though there isn't much serious damage, the motherly-figure takes it as a personal offense.

"AMETHYST YOU CAN'T DESTROY THE CAKE! IT'S FOR STEVEN!"

Amethyst stops like a deer caught in headlights, and wipes some frosting from her mouth on the back of her hand. "Sorry... It's just, marble cake is my favorite."

Pearl sighs, her hand on her hip and her other holding up her eyebrows, "Amethyst, I can't even begi- wait," she looks up, "Where is that janitor figurine? He was on the cake a minute ago." She and Stevonnie observe the tiny footprints embedded in the frosting, then glance around the table for the missing samurai.

"Oh yeah!" Amethyst giddily remembers, then reaches back inside her mouth and pulls out a saliva and frosting covered Samurai Janitor.

Steven can't help but giggle and say, " _Ew!_ "

"Why, Amethyst," Pearl sighs, holding all of her frustration together by a thread, "Why would you bother to eat the plastic figurine?"

She sticks it back in the cake and rolls her eyes, as if her answer was blatant, "Well I wanted to see if I would get his cool fighting powers! Duh!" She licks some more frosting off her fingers.

Pearl shakes her head once again, then claps her hands together, "Well everyone, let's start eating. Who wants ice cream with their cake?!" Everyone scooches closer to the beautiful array of food, as Garnet and Pearl pass out pre-cake-filled plates, adding scoops of ice cream here and there.

One by one, they all station themselves around the table, the clanks of forks, idle chatter, and background radio swims through the evening summer air. Occasionally a light breeze adds to the mix. The stars eventually take over the sky. As the night draws nearer, and the cake slices diminish to paper plate crumbs, the first inklings of a party start to dawn on each of the guests. A quiet moment passes and they come to appreciate the radio DJ announcing a popular throwback song, and it's first few chords perks up the group right away.

Stevonnie stands immediately and sings with Steven" _I can't help it if I make a scene_ ," they sing, " _stepping out of my hot pink limousine_ , "

Amethyst stands on her chair and joins them, adding to the excitement, " I'm turning heads and I'm stopping traffic, "

" When I pose, they scream, and when I joke, they laugh! I gotta... " Garnet quickly adds. Each singer holds the attention of the group. Soon Lapis, Peridot, Pearl rise and the chorus bursts the song around the garden. The song picks up and the dancing intensifies.

At the bridge, the other's are a little stunned to hear a much more feminine voice come out of Stevonnie - Connie's: " _Haven't you noticed that I'm a Star. I'm coming into view as the world is turning "_ The fusion strikes a pose on every other downbeat. Her voice echoes around the space, and it's apparent she hasn't noticed the group of friends watching her in awe. They've become mute at the sight and sound of Connie, her sweet, lullaby voice carrying through the garden.

Lapis is the first to step forward and join her, " Haven't you noticed I've made it this far! Now everyone can see me burning! " she harmonizes.

On the last line, the group converges to a mass of diva poses and sassy head turns: " Now everyone can see me burning, Now everyone can see me... " a quiet beat, then the last chord, " _burning!_ " The guitar strum from the speakers washes over the amateur performers. They freeze in the silence and relish this moment, as if to move would constitute immediate criminal arrest.

Of course the moment ends shortly with the band reduced to giggles on the grass. The lush aroma of roses sweeps by them in the breeze. The radio MC introduces the next song as the flustered bunch makes exclamatory remarks like "That was _awesome!", "_ WOOH!", " _One more time!"_

Pearl and Garnet are the first to stand back up. They turn to Stevonnie, who has met their gaze curiously. Garnet speaks first, "So Steven, are you ready for your surprise?"

Stevonnie bounces on the balls of her feet, " _YES!"_ Steven squeals like a kid on Christmas morning. " _Ooh but first let me grab a snack sushi roll!_ " Stevie hurries over to the table while Garnet and Pearl grin at one another.

Pearl takes her stance on the far side of the lawn, preparing what she would say to him and rehearsing the steps in her head. Her feet and hands made tiny, inconceivable moves as her focus glides through her now well trained muscle memory. She remembers the day, long gone by, that Steven asked her to teach him the Boomerang Blade. She thinks about the time they spent going over, albeit, more practical swordsman techniques. After watching and rewatching the Lonely Blade fight scenes while Stevonnie was out of the house, Pearl not only mastered the move, but now genuinely appreciated it's benefits. A sliver of guilt swims by her as she remembers condemning the technique in front of Steven, but it's behind her now.

Soon Stevonnie is in front of them. Garnet crosses her arms a few feet behind Pearl, and Lapis, Peridot, and Amethyst have positioned themselves at the snack table. Amethyst swallows a large fruit platter almost entirely whole. Hesitantly, Pearl brings her attention back to Stevie - now vibrating with excitement.

"For your surprise, Steven, I'm going to be teaching you the 'Boomerang Blade' move that you like so much." She smiles as Stevonnie stops bouncing, eyes wide and jaw on the ground.

" _YOU MEAN IT!?_ "

Pearl nods. At this point, Stevie, Connie, and Steven were all overwhelmed with joy.

" _I can't believe it! I thought you didn't think it was real sword fighting?!"_

"Well," Pearl starts, "It took a while for me to see it's use, I'll admit." Her cheeks turn a darker shade of blue - her way of blushing. "But it's a good long distance tactic, which can help you avoid getting hurt in a fight. And I know you've wanted to be able to do it for years."

" _Thank you, Pearl! I can't wait!"_ They take a deep breath and attempt to settle themself down. "Okay, I'm ready!"

"Ah ah! Not yet, you aren't," Pearl hums, wagging a finger in the air. Momentarily, her gem lights up and she pulls out two silver katanas. Each weapon barely reflects the party lights strung up in the trees above, and are identical down to the last detail, except the color of their hilts. "We'll be practicing with these. They'll be a bit easier to work with than Rose's sword for this move, but we'll get there soon." She hands Stevie the pink handled blade and steps forward a bit. Steven eyes her closely.

"Now with this move, it's all about the flick of your wrist. You must angle it perfectly in order for it to fly away and come back." She crosses the blade in front of her chest and inhales sharply. Steven notices the tension in this shared body as Stevie begins to softly imitate what they see.

"We're going to just practice the throwing technique at first," says Pearl, before asking Steven to watch her. She reels herself back, then with a tight twist and a hard fling of her hand, she sends the blade spinning away. It flies close to the tree tops on the other end of the garden, just passed the table bolstering the radio. The katana sinks back to the grass beside the tree's deep roots.

" _But it didn't come back,"_ Steven inquires after a moment.

Pearl pouts, then pivots on her heel and says, "That's because, like I said, we're focusing on the throwing technique right now. We'll worry about getting it to return once we've mastered that." She comes to Stevie's side and takes her stance from before, "Now Steven and Connie, this will be a team effort, from all three of you really. Soon it'll be a matter of muscle memory, but for now, you'll want to start with a lower center of gravity - yes like that! Excellent!" Pearl moves her eyes over their body, making minor adjustments here and there. "Now since you're throwing with your right arm, your left arm should be back here, yes there we go. Yes you're arm is at a good height across your chest, keep it just above your heart, here." After a few minutes of tweaking and prodding Stevie's limbs, Pearl stands back. "Your sword will be an extension of you all the way up until the moment of release. Keep it just above your shoulder there."

She flutters back in front of Stevie and considers them. "The motion must be fluid. Honestly in order to do it well, it must become a natural path for your muscles to travel. Where you might get stuck is where you'll be thinking too much about it," Pearl adds.

"Imagine flinging one of your flying discs," Garnet chimes in.

" _A frisbee?"_ Steven says.

"Yes, that."

"Thank you, Garnet. Now, pull back and take a shot!" Pearl cheers.

Stevie took in the new tight sensations of their body, each muscle tense in different ways that made it challenging to maintain. _I'll admit,_ Steven says, _this is more complicated than I thought it would be._

 _It seems like this position is about focus,_ Connie thinks aloud, _We have to be able to angle it just right._

 _Well at least there's three of us to keep an eye on it,_ Steven smiles internally.

They often communicated like this, Steven and Connie, when facing combat or training. Stevonnie from time to time could appreciate their casual banter as they worked, and is proud to be a part of it. _Ready to throw?_ Stevie interrupts.

 _Yes._

 _Ready._

"Okay." They, as Pearl had, twist back and launch the pink katana forward. It zooms against the dusk sky and hits the far tree trunk with a clang. It creates a gash in the bark, though not deep enough to cause any real damage to the plant. The sword falls to it's roots, and silence follows while Pearl considers this a moment.

"That was a good start, you clearly know how to pack some power into your throw," she says, matter-of-factly, "However, in this move, the power can't be the most important thing. There must be balance between strength and agility. Here, try this."

This cycle continues for a while: Pearl making an adjustment to Stevonnie - sometimes directly addressing Steven and Connie's teamwork skills, (although this was supposed to be a gift for Steven, it ends up being a treat for all those involved); the fusion team converse internally about whatever new tip they were given, then try to fit it into the body as they make the throw again. They've tossed the sword countless times, the moon well into the pool of stars, when Pearl finally claps her hands together and says, "I think now you are ready to add the _boomerang_ to the _boomerang blade."_

Stevonnie sighs at her, exhausted. Of course Steven is excited, but being the young soul that he is, he hadn't expected this to be as draining as it turned out. Even Amethyst and Peridot seem faded, though the former may have spent more time than necessary at the snack table. Nevertheless, the team catches their breath, straighten up and prepare for what's to come.

"This part is a bit trickier," Pearl starts, "since in the heat of battle, it may be more time consuming to be able to angle it just right. So I must advise ahead of time to be aware of this before trying to attempt it against an enemy." She lifts her blue tinted sword and settles into her fighting stance, "This part is also trickier to explain, so do your best to follow my movements."

With this, Stevie steps closer and copies her, katana raised and glinting against the moonlight, feet slightly farther than shoulder width apart, gravity centered over their hips.

"Good," Pearl notes, "Now when you throw it, just picture it returning back to you." And with one fluid movement, she flings the sword forward, and it soars over the garden not unlike a balloon would after being let go. It veers around the tree top and, as if of it's own accord, circles back around and quickly returns to Pearl's waiting hand, like a fisherman reeling a catch.

Stevonnie tilts their head in awe. " _Wow! That was amazing! I've got to try that!"_ Steven's voice bubbles up.

Pearl giggles smugly, then strides over to be beside them. "Go for it, Steven."

They look back at the tree, a determined smirk crossing their face. There's some excited stirring between Steven and Connie that Stevie notices when they take their stance again.

 _Picture it coming back to you,_ Connie echos.

They take a deep breath. Then, like Pearl, they wind themself up and release their weapon into the breeze, watching the whirl of pink spin off toward the tall familiar tree. The fusion is frozen to the spot with bated breath. The katana reaches the leaves blooming from the outstretched branches, and one could almost hear the swift slice of the blade as it intercepts a dangling leaf. It barely crests around the side of the tree when it begins to slow, soon flipping and banging its way through the wood and twigs, eventually crashing to the ground, causing several of the gems to flinch.

After a moment, Pearl speaks up, "That's okay, try again."

Steven, discouraged, sighs and says, " _Alright."_

Once more, they assume position, eyes locked on the distant oak, and breathe. A ringing in Stevie's ears follows suit; the world around them dims, illuminating the blade in their hand, it's rigid handle held firm in their grasp. _It's already returning back to you,_ Steven thinks. They imagine the pink glory flying back into their hands, and the joy that will ensue as they celebrate their success. Stevie can't hide the grin sliding up their cheek.

In a motion resembling that of liquid, the sword is flown across the lawn at last, catches the passing wind and climbs higher and higher. Slowly but surely, it begins tilting to the right side of the tree and worms it's way around the back of it. A moment later, it zooms out from behind the sea of leaves, setting it's sights on it's wide eyed and blushing owner.

" _YES! YES WE DID IT!"_ Steven exclaims ecstatically.

 _I knew we could do it!_ Stevie tells him.

 _It worked! We've done it!_ Adds Connie.

"Splendid!" Garnet cheers, adding to the excitement amongst the crowd of friends beside them.

"Awesome job!" Pearl adds, "Now be prepared to catch it-"

"Wait, what?" Stevie stops.

"Stev- STEVEN LOOK OUT!"

 _~Shwnnk~_

The blade lodges into Stevie's side, blood quickly trails down their hip and smears on their hand as they reach down unconsciously. Silence.

Stevonnie looks down, a calm moment without pain, before it hits them all at once. The last thing they see is Garnet in front of them, gripping their shoulders, and the warm familiar feeling her eyes has on the pit of their stomach.


End file.
